Response to the Right's "Divorce Agreement"

Author's note: The following is a response to the "Divorce Agreement" mass email written by John J. Wall.

Dear American conservatives, profit-before-planet capitalists, evangelicals and war mongers, et al:

It's actually been since the first Industrial Revolution that we started having our differences, but after so many decades together, who's counting?  While you may have stuck by us for the sake of the kids, we were under the impression it was just the right thing to do.  We're sorry you feel our relationship has run its course, but then it's not the first time white conservatives have tried to split up this country they claim to love so dearly...much in the same way you're always wanting to change the Constitution you say you love.  It doesn't look like you'll be winning many elections any time soon, so we understand why you'd want to just quit.

We'd like to see you stick it out.  Unfortunately, it takes two to tango.  We don't want you to go, but we wouldn't choose to take away your freedom to do so.  Like you, we love freedom and want to protect it.  Unlike you, we'd like to protect it for more than just ourselves.

But we have a few ideas to add to your proposed separation agreement:

We're not opposed to your idea of splitting the country evenly.  Since you seem to disdain all things "left", how about we take the left half, including Hawaii, Alaska, and the better portion of Texas. That's the part that's attached to Mexico. We know you won't have any problem with that!  We'll continue to give immigrants a chance at a better life.  Unlike you, we find Hispanics to be an industrious and family-oriented group, and we're thrilled to have them in the fold!  We are curious, though - who's going to do all the work you don't want to?

We'll go ahead and keep our taxes.  It will be nice to finally get to lower them, though, since we won't be paying for wars on "terror" and drugs.

Thanks for letting us finally develop sustainable forms of energy and taking the nasty, smelly oil industry with you.  We look forward to an economy based on renewable energy like wind, solar and biofuels - not to mention the zippy electric cars we finally get to drive!  You can have the SUVs, pickups and oversized luxury cars.  The combustion engine is so 1890s, anyway.

Can we just say what a relief it will be to finally be rid of this ugly naked capitalism?  We almost feel bad sending it with you  - but it's what you want, after all!  We'll probably end up with a system not too different, just with some common sense regulation of industry.

See, we think the good of the many is more important than the good of the few.  We know, we know - how socialist of us, right?  Sticks and stones will break our bones - but when those bones break, it won't break a family's budget to visit the E.R. (and that's WITH what you like to call health insurance).  Good luck with that whole health-care-is-a-luxury thing.  We might even put it in our Bill of Rights! While your soccer moms are missing soccer practice because they work three jobs to pay for their cholesterol and COPD pills, we'll be focusing on preventative care, healthier lifestyles, better nutrition and alternative therapies.  It shouldn't be too hard for us since you'll keep the pharma, insurance and corn lobbies.

Likewise, you're welcome to Walmart.  I hear they're actually raising prices storewide every day lately.  I guess their predatory pricing practices finally couldn't find vendors who could keep up.  Seriously, where do you go when China can't even get you stuff cheap enough?  Too bad the Chinese got most of your money first.

And an unregulated Wall Street?  You're welcome to it!  That's worked out so well...for the brokers and bankers, anyway.  We bet you'll privatize Social Security until your next market crash, and then abolish it altogether.

Yes, we might have to support a few people on welfare.  We might have to feed some hungry people.  Gosh, we just figure caring for each other is the right thing to do, not to mention one of the few things government is actually good for!  But, like we said, we'll have plenty of money since we won't be fighting wars and paying for the next generation of jet fighters and bunker busters.  Have fun funding bases and standing armies across the globe.

We're glad you offered to take Sarah Palin and the rednecks.  If we are to split, on this we must insist!  You keep the racists, and we'll take your homosexuals!

Let there be no mistake, we will make nice with Iran. Bluster and saber rattling just isn't our way.  You'll have to forgive us if we take up diplomatic and trade sanctions against Israel until they stop acting like Nazis.  They'll get no financial assistance from us.  But you know who will?  The Palestinians.

You can continue to pretend you have Christian values.  We'll continue to honor the First Amendment and value freedom of religion, regardless of what that religion might be.  Yes, even Islam!  We'll even guarantee our citizens freedom FROM religion if that's what they choose.  Spiritual ideas can be taught in the home and within congregations.  We don't see a need to legislate them or teach them in schools.

You're welcome to keep your hymns and anthems about war and struggle.  Likewise, we're ecstatic to call "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" and "We Are the World" our own.  We'll be feeling all warm and fuzzy and dreaming of a bright new day without all your fear, hate, racism and negativity pulling us down.

Are you still pretending trickle down economics work after all these years?  The disparity between Those with the Most and Those with the Least has grown so obviously since Reagan took office - not to mention quantitatively - it's amazing you still let the words escape your mouths.  You never were good with the facts.

Alas, this is our counter offer.  Would you agree to it?  Don't worry about us hitting you up for help in 15 years.  We'll actually be helping each other.  Let us know if some of you need a hand, though, okay?  We still love you!

Sincerely,
Tim Bravo
Life Student and a World Citizen

P. S. Ted, Sean, Martin, Babs and Jane send their regards.  If you'd be so kind, make sure to pick up Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Karl Rove, & Rupert Murdoch.  We'll let Bill O'Reilly choose for himself since we all know he doesn't even believe what he says. 

P. S. S.  Sorry, you may still have to press 1 for English when you call us.  But when you get through, we won't send you to a call center in India because the company doesn't want to pay a living wage.

Compromising the Compromised Compromise

So there's a Democrat in the White House and both houses of Congress have Democratic majorities. Right? I could SWEAR that's where things stood last time I checked. So why do these people continue to whittle down health care reform?

Health care costs too much. Businesses can't afford to provide it for their employees. State governments are having a hard time providing it to their employees. Stand alone citizens are having a difficult time providing it for themselves. The people who can't afford it, just don't have it and have to hope they don't need it. Ever.

But the companies in the health care game are raking it in.

In my view, health care should not be a business. There should not be a health care "market". As a species, I feel we owe it to ourselves to provide for ourselves the best care for the health and survival of the body so that we can experience life. I think we should make it a human RIGHT.

Easiest way to do that? Single payer system. We pay taxes, taxes pay for health care. For ALL. Just because.

But of course the real world requires a compromise. Enter the Public Option. Compromise #1. Allow citizens to opt in to a government-run option to compete with insurance companies to help bring the cost of health care down. Because THAT's the problem, you'll remember. It looked like we were going to get the public option when the reform package left the House of Representatives.

But it got scrapped in the Senate. Apparently The Club thought it would be too popular and successful and their Owners would lose too much money. They say it's an unwanted intrusion into the health care system. Unwanted by whom? If it's unwanted, it won't get used and is therefor not a problem. The problem is it IS wanted! A Survey USA poll shows up to 77% of Americans WANT THE PUBLIC OPTION!

So they decided instead of a public option, they'd at least open up Medicare to younger citizens and help cover a FEW more people than today. Not even close to substantial reform, but it's something. Compromise #2.

But TODAY there's talk that Dems are scrapping THAT, too! They're apparently afraid they won't get the package passed before Christmas. They're more worried about getting it done before an arguably arbitrary date than they are giving the American people what they want and deserve! Compromise #3.

So I'm confused. After this, where is the reform in health care reform? What's going to substantially change, at all, let alone reduce the cost of providing health care to companies and individuals in this supposed greatest nation on the planet with the supposedly best health care system?

There's no reform left. It's all been compromised away by a bunch of frightened little schmucks who have the power to do real good for the people of this country but are too scared of how it hurts their shot at reelection. Or perhaps they're worried about losing the GREAT HEALTH CARE that comes with being a legislator at the federal level?!

Where is there an incumbent (after all, they're ALL incumbents) who will put the good of her/his constituency above their personal political ambitions? One could say it's incumbent upon them.

I swear if substantial health care isn't passed because this group of bastards sold us all out, I will be a VERY loud voice for firing every one of them. Every last one, regardless of party - because as you know the American Deviant is an independent voter. Emphasis on voter.

They're failing us.